I am upset because I am yet to figure out who to blame for all that this fake scarcity has done to me. These past couple of months, I have been forced to learn more fluid mechanics than post-graduate students of chemical engineering do in a whole year. I have learnt that my car’s fuel tank can be toped-up by tilting a rubber hose-connected 4 litter jerry can of petrol to a certain angle and blowing just the right amount of air into it. I have mastered the fine art of suctioning petrol into and out of various sizes of jerry cans. I have also learnt that, much like the illicit gin with which my Efik friends consume 4o4, (aka dog meat) petrol is hot drink in its own right. I wonder if petrol intoxication is one way of committing the offence of Driving under the Influence in Fashola’s new road new traffic law. If it isn’t, it should be. I’ve been there.
I have, in the past, reported on some of the best places to buy your fuel in the Lagos area. Perhaps this is the time call out some stations whose records aren’t so sterling. There is a Conoil filling station somewhere in Surulere that my friends assure me quite literarily deals in con-oil (as in wayo oil). I am made to understand that the attendants there have, as we are wont to say in this country, no conscience. In spite of charging one N110 for every litre of petrol and an extra N200 if one is buying with a jerry can, the metering systems at this station, I am told, leave a bit to be desired. There is also another station along the Doyin-Orile axis which never seems to have fuel at its pumps. This station however keeps its gates open for the brisk black market business that thrives within the premises. As long as one is willing to part with N700 for 4litres of petrol, one is sure to find fuel here. The filling stations along Awolowo Road in Ikoyi appear to be the best behaved of the pack this time around. For some reasons however, their operations are like very well choreographed calisthenics. Timing is everything for these folks so while no two stations on this road can be found dispensing fuel at the same time, they all must be congratulated for selling at N97 per litre most of the time.
Now speaking of pricing, isn’t it funny that petrol, which is imported through Lagos and then ferried across the country at huge costs, still manages to sell at cheaper prices in places like Benin and Abuja than it is in Lagos? Seriously, this scarcity defies logic and Its cause is a moving target (apologies to Colin Powel). At some point, the vandalised Arepo pipeline was to be blamed for it. Now we hear tales of ‘non-payment of marketer’s subsidy claims’ as well as those related to ‘NNPC’s sole importer status’. The double jeopardy of this later excuse is, to me, the sickening reason why Lagos' scarcity persists. As a matter of fact, there isn’t any scarcity. There is just costlity. Some people are comfortable (very comfortable) with selling government imported and tax payer financed petrol back to tax payers at N110 per litre? The real tragedy is thus that we have the fuel but yet we don’t have it. I repeat, we have it but we don’t have it.
